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Woman, 25 Years Old (Marriage)

 

Raised in a Baptist home, I received Christ as my Savior when I was seven. I am the third of five children, with one older sister. My father was openly partial to her and at a very early age I felt the bitter sting of being rejected, unwanted and unloved. As a teenager, I turned to my friends seeking acceptance and love, only to again be rejected. I became obsessed with proving to myself and the world that I was nothing short of the most intelligent, witty and desirable creature that every walked the earth.

I was sly and cunning and would stop at nothing to obtain what I wanted. I rebelled against my parents and the church and went on my merry way, hurting and destroying anyone or anything that hindered me. My parents could not control me no matter what they did. I smoked, drank, stayed out all night and had sex with just about anyone I dated. All the while my hatred grew and grew and there was no happiness in my life at all. At the age of nineteen I had a nervous breakdown. I remember kneeling beside my bed and asking God what I had done to deserve this–really doubting that He existed at all.

One day during a second relapse, I went to my parent’s minister for help. I knew I was saved, but I couldn’t control my compulsions for cigarettes, alcohol, swearing, lying and sex. I was totally despondent, tortured constantly with the guilt and condemnation that accompanied my actions.

The minister’s opening remark was, “Well, the first thing you have to do is get that stuff off your face. You look like a painted street walker!” That wasn’t what I needed to hear. Then and there I knew God and I were through; I’d live my life to the fullest and worry about eternity when the problem presented itself. As time passed a tremendous fear built up within me. Fear of dying, fear of sickness, fear of being rejected, fear of anything and everything. At work I nearly fainted with fear if I got an inexplicable pain.

I drove myself at a frenzied pace, rarely sleeping and constantly dieting to maintain my figure. I became more hateful, critical of others, irresponsible and apathetic. I dated merely to turn the guy off and on, playing with his mind and feelings. Once I was certain that he cared for me or I had gotten him to tell me he loved me, the game was over; I had won again and I dropped him. I quit my job when I got what I thought to be the most thrilling opportunity of my life. I was hired as a cocktail Bunny at the Chicago Playboy Club! I knew I would never be rejected again. I had the world on a string. I was going to be a Playboy Bunny. Then Satan moved in and my temporary happiness was gone. I was
pregnant and the father didn’t want to marry me. After he finally agreed to marry me I tried to avoid the marriage and eliminate my child, all without success. I married someone I didn’t love and bore a child I didn’t want.

The marriage was a disaster mentally, physically and financially. There were constant fights that often turned into brutal brawls. There was resentment, hatred, adultery and a daily life that was impossible to bear. I left my husband and daughter twice for a short periods of time, returning home because I had nowhere to go. By now not even my parents wanted me. I drank, smoked pot occasionally and turned to other men for a release from the horrid, dull life I had made for myself. Everywhere I turned the walls were closing in on me. I felt I couldn’t breathe.

My daughter was now three, old enough to see the hatred between her father and mother. One night I realized I did need God after all. My husband and I began to fight about 3:00 in the morning. As always we started to hit each other until it became so violent that we found ourselves lying on the sidewalk in front of the house with his hands around my throat. In the background I heard crying and, looking up, saw my little girl in the doorway. Her arms waved violently as she screamed, “No, Mommy, no, no, no!”

That was more than I could stand, something had to change before I lost my mind completely. For some time my sister had been asking me to go to this church she had found. That was the last thing in the world I was interested in, but I knew I had to go. One Wednesday I went. Love and the power of the Holy Spirit were there that night. I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit and for the first time I could remember, I was absolutely, undeniable happy.

Soon my husband began to attend and received Christ as Savior and the baptism in the Holy Spirit. Even so, there was still tension and hatred between us. As we continued to attend services we heard messages on demons and demonic bondage. The Holy Spirit began to reveal where our sorrow and unhappiness had come from. I made up my mind to seek deliverance from the things that had enslaved me so long.

Two nights before my deliverance, we got into a fight that turned out to be the most vicious we had ever had. At the end my husband threw me against the door and as I fell to the ground I said to myself, “You fool, you stupid fool, why did you ever think it would change?” I got up, walked to the bathroom and slit my wrists. When my husband saw what I had done, he rushed me to the hospital where I was stitched up.

Satan was waging war and I was the battlefield. I knew God could free me from this bondage and determined to ask for prayer. The following Sunday we went forward for prayer. When the deliverance session was over, I had been freed from spirits of Hatred for men, Lust, Perversion, Rejection, Fear, Murder, Suicide and Resentment for my daughter. I was exhausted, but felt much better and calmer. Within the next few months I returned for prayer and spirits of Hatred for my sister and my father, Jealousy, Envy, Hypochondria, Masochism, Drugs and Alcohol left.

WW_Bklt1There is today a new love in my life–one of which I am not ashamed. I’m in love with the Lord Jesus Christ. I praise His holy name for the wonderful Spirit-filled Christian husband He has given me and the pure and deep love He has given us for each other. What a miracle, that out of the ashes of lust, selfishness and depravity, God could create a genuine love and respect between two people who started out so badly.

http://shop.wrwpublications.com/The-Devilish-Side-of-Sex-Booklet-1-01.htm

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