Man 33 Years Old (I was a Schizoid Disaster)
About five years ago I was diagnosed by a psychologist and a psychiatrist as a paranoid-schizophrenic and warned that the condition is completely incurable. The best I could expect would be powerful medication combined with continuous counseling for the rest of my life. One of my symptoms was a complete inability to give or receive love freely, although I desperately wanted it.
I had been dominated by women since childhood and was filled with guilt and condemnation. Half of me enjoyed being dominated but the other half rebelled against it. As a consequence I found myself continually vacillating between seeking to put myself in a position to be dominated by a female and yet angrily rebelling against it.
Eventually resentment and anger would build up and I would reverse and demand to be the leader. Because I was unable to love, I was harsh and unreasonable and could not really lead. Soon I discovered that nobody wanted or accepted my leadership.
Frustration and utter chaos came to destroy every intimate personal relationship I ever tried to build. This drove me to marriage counselors and the psychiatrists. I had extensive psychotherapy followed by intensive sensitivity training. Sessions lasted 12, 15, 18, 20 and 24 hours at a time, working out certain types of exercises with a group. I also had a great deal of group counseling; at least once a week, sometimes more.
None of this seemed to work so I determined to seek a deeper relationship with the Lord. At the age of eleven I had received Christ as my Savior. I had to have the fullness of the power of the Lord in my life. I read of things in the Bible which were not happening in the church I was attending.
Through a series of events I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and began attending a local charismatic church. After this experience with the Spirit I received a certain amount of relief from the paranoia and schizophrenia I had for such a long time.
A woman who later became my wife led me into the baptism. She also had a limited knowledge of deliverance. Many spirits left me as she prayed, but then a time came when no more left; yet I knew that the strongest ones were still there. The biggest help to me was when an oppressing spirit of Depression left me. My spouse was not aware of the spirit of Ahab which caused me simultaneously to long for and at the same time hate control by women. Rebellion, Rejection and the Schizophrenic Paranoid control spirits were still firmly in control. After a brief respite they began to reassert their unbearable pressures. This caused me to be completely defeated. Somehow I was unable to be the person I yearned to be, but I knew that Jesus Christ was the answer. I visited Pastor Worley’s church and here there was a real breakthrough. This came as a result of two months of intensive deliverance prayer two or three times a week.
First to be defeated were Hatred and Resentment. Later Ahab, Rebellion, Paranoia and Schizophrenia and their supporting spirits were cast out in pitched battles. This produced sudden and startling progress. I can’t tell you what a glorious feeling of relief it has been to be set free after all these discouraging years.
God restored me in a way impossible to have been anticipated. It has been the most stupendous thing in my entire life. He has put me through circumstances and severe testings to let me see just how real this deliverance is. In situations where I would formerly have exploded with hatred, rebellion, resentment and bitterness, I find myself strangely calm and patient. Things which once brought on temper tantrums, now release the overflowing agape love of Jesus Christ. This makes a difference in every relationship. Praise God for joy, peace and complete victory impossible to attain previously. Small spurts of victory in the past were always short lived and were easily demolished by circumstances. Deliverance has regained and held the grounds, and remains constant and steady through all of the trials and tests.
There are definitely still ups and downs and always will be. However, now I have an unshakable joy and inner peace that I never dreamed was possible. Previously, my double-mindedness would force me into a state of constant change. I was different from one minute to the next and completely unpredictable whenever my emotions were involved. Now I remain amazed and thrilled with the stability that God has wrought in me. My personality is different and I express myself with strength and confidence. I also feel much more masculine than I ever have.
God has brought me through all these tests. This demonstrated that even in adversity and tribulation, He has given me the victory. Because I am no longer plagued with these negative and destructive attitudes, I can react with love and not hatred and rebellion. Truly, I can sing from my heart, “How great is our God, how great is His name! He’s the greatest One, forever the same.”
The following is an excerpt from “Schizophrenia, Booklet #13″ by Pastor Win Worley. Copyright © 1983 by Win Worley, Revised © 1993. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including storage and retrieval system, without securing permission in writing from the publisher, WRW Publications, PO Box 852626, Mesquite, TX 75185.
If you’d like to obtain your own copy of not only this, but other materials authored by Win Worley, please contact WRW Publications at www.wrwpublications.com
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